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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596744">one in the same</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetmessages/pseuds/violetmessages'>violetmessages</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Torchwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Episode: s01e13 End of Days</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:21:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,638</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetmessages/pseuds/violetmessages</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto, Gwen thinks. Her best friend would never turn her away, and maybe she can sleep on his couch for the night. Perhaps by the morning she’ll be okay again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwen Cooper &amp; Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>one in the same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Blood </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thick, red, dark blood - dripping everywhere - through her hands - seeping into the floor. She chokes back a sob as she takes in the gory sight. The blood gushes from him - her boy - her Rhys spreading everywhere, staining, choking - the room is claustrophobic enough. Gwen runs to him, pulling him into her arms, begging, pleading, praying for a heartbeat.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The world dims and narrows until all she can see is red - crimson red - flooding her senses. She clings to him, rocking him back and forth, screaming herself hoarse. The taste of blood is everywhere. She can feel it suffocating her lungs. She can feel the coppery tang in her mouth.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But Rhys, lovely Rhys, precious Rhys, HER Rhys is gone. The warmth of his body is still present, but by every minute, it fades slightly and she knows that it will soon be gone. Her chest is wet with his blood, she is covered in it, and it soaks into her soul. She will never be free of it. Gwen lets out a scream, hitting anyone she can, as she entwines herself closer to him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She can only see red. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Gwen wakes up screaming. She can feel it, the blood soaking through her clothes, and the weight of Rhys’ dead body in her arms. She scrambles up, searching for him next to her, and feels the coolness of the mattress next to her. </p><p>Panicking, she starts to hyperventilate profusely, hands shaking as she pats the mattress, hoping to feel for Rhys. Is he dead? He must be dead - Bilis Manger killed him. Her Rhys is dead, she thinks, tears streaming from her eyes. Dead, dead, dead. She doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t know where to go. She’s alone, all alone, in their flat - a flat filled with Rhys. Rhys who is missing.  </p><p>Ianto, Gwen thinks. Her best friend would never turn her away, and maybe she can sleep on his couch for the night. Maybe by the morning she’ll be okay again. </p><p>Probably not, though. </p><p>Making up her mind, she grabs her phone and wraps the fleece blanket at the edge of her bed around her. She walks quickly to the door, picking up the keys to her car and leaving the flat, not even bothering to lock it behind her. What does she care if she gets robbed? Rhys is dead - nothing matters anymore. </p><p>The cold air of the night makes her shiver, and she wraps the blanket around her tighter as she walks to her car. She stumbles into it, fumbling with the keys. It takes her a few tries to turn the car on because her fingers are shaking so much. When she turns on to the road, she’s started crying again. </p><p>Gwen’s vision is more than hazy as she drives. She’s not doing it properly by any means - traffic lights blur together as she passes them, not even paying attention. It’s lucky she’s memorized the route to Ianto’s flat, because she is in no condition to be listening to the satnav. </p><p>Pulling into the lot near Ianto’s flat, Gwen takes a deep breath and walks out. Her chest has become uncomfortably tight and she thinks that she’s only seconds away from collapsing onto the ground and never getting up. Somehow she drags herself to the front of Ianto’s building and leans against the side of the door. She drags the back of her hand against her eyes quickly and squints into the keypad. </p><p>
  <em> 7 - 5 - 3 - 6 </em>
</p><p>The door unlocks, and she clutches her keys and her blanket as she steps inside. Her legs wobble as she clambers up the stairs, gripping the railing as hard as she can. Then, finally, she’s in front of Ianto’s door. She raises a fist and raps on it twice. </p><p>Half a minute later, Ianto opens the door. His hair is sleep-mussed, eyes red with sleep, and his hand is over his mouth, covering a little yawn. His eyes grow wide when he sees her. </p><p>“Gwen?” he asks softly. Somehow, that’s the breaking point for her. Gwen’s chest drops, and she drops her keys and bends forward. The blanket slips off her shoulders. Covering her mouth with her hands, she starts to sob. Ianto runs forward and pulls her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her, rubbing her back comfortingly. </p><p>“What’s wrong, Gwen?” he asks her, quietly. She keeps crying noisily into his chest, making loud, convulsive gasps every few seconds. Ianto holds her up as she collapses into his chest. </p><p>“Rhys,” she finally manages to choke out. “Rhys - he’s dead - he’s not home - he’s dead, oh god, he's dead!”</p><p>“Rhys isn’t dead,” Ianto says softly. “He’s in London, remember? He’s taking an extra haul there and back.”</p><p>Gwen looks up at him strangely, tears still dripping down her cheeks. “But Bilis - he - he died - I saw him-”</p><p>“-we reversed that, remember,” Ianto says. </p><p>Gwen thinks for a moment and then finally remembers. Rhys is alive. He’s in London. He’s safe. She falls back against Ianto, crying again - not knowing whether in joy or terror.  </p><p>“Did you have a nightmare?” asks Ianto, stroking Gwen’s hair. She nods, hitting her head against Ianto, and his grasp on her gets tighter. They stand there for a minute before Ianto pulls her inside and wraps his arm around her shoulder. He leads her to the kitchen, and pushes her onto a chair. </p><p>Then he walks back to the door and picks up Gwen’s keys and blanket. Shutting the door, he comes back into the kitchen and drops her things onto a nearby table. Reaching into a drawer, he extracts a blue handkerchief and wets it at the sink. He wrings it once, then hands it to Gwen. </p><p>As she wipes her face, Ianto flicks open his kettle and fills it. He sets it on his stove, letting the water boil, and comes over to where Gwen is sitting. Taking the wet handkerchief away from her, he hands her a new one to pat her face dry. When the kettle whistles, he pulls it off the stovetop and pours it into a mug, already prepped with a teabag. </p><p>“Sofa?” he asks, handing the steaming cup to her. </p><p>Gwen nods, and he pulls her up;they slowly walk together to the sofa. Gwen relishes the feeling of the hot mug against her hands as she sinks down. Ianto, sitting beside her, rubs a comforting hand against her arm. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, giving her a kind smile. She stays still for a moment - not knowing how to formulate her thoughts into rational sentences. </p><p>“I thought he was dead,” she says finally, her voice hoarse. “When Bilis killed him - I thought he stayed that way. I dreamt of the time I held him in my arms. I can still feel it.”</p><p>Ianto doesn’t say anything, simply stroking her arm, gently. Another tear drips down her face, and he wipes it softly away with the pad of his thumb. </p><p>“I can still feel it,” she whispers harshly. “The blood. His blood. It’s like it’s filling up my lungs - suffocating me from the inside out.”</p><p>Ianto stops stroking her arm and pulls her back against him. Gwen tucks the side of her face against his shoulder, and he rests his chin on the top of her head. </p><p>“I can’t stop - feeling it,” she says quietly. </p><p>“After Lisa died, I used to get them too,” whispers Ianto. “The nightmares. About her dying. I felt like I couldn’t wash the blood off me. It would get overwhelming. I couldn’t stop them for a while - I’d get them every night.”</p><p>“Did it get better?” she murmurs. </p><p>“Yes,” Ianto says softly. “Yes, it got better.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“You. Jack. Just having people there for you - it makes it manageable. The memory gets fuzzy, you forget how the blood tastes and feels,” he says. “When you realize that you aren’t alone, that there are people that will help you and do help - it gets easier to distinguish from nightmares and reality.”</p><p>Gwen sips her tea. It’s a nice flavor - peppermint, and she wonders if Ianto might bring some into the Hub on long nights. Coffee is what keeps her functioning on most days, but sometimes it's nice to drink something soothing. </p><p>A couple minutes pass by silently, Gwen sipping her tea and Ianto holding her the entire time. His embrace is grounding, drags her back to reality, and calms her down. Ianto hums an unknown melody against the top of her head, soothing her. She’s glad she had the good sense to go to Ianto - he knows more than anyone how this feels. </p><p>He knows what it’s like to have watched a lover bleed out in the Hub. </p><p>When she finishes her tea, Gwen places it on the table, and Ianto releases her. She gives him a tired smile. </p><p>“I think I’m okay now. Thank you - this helped-” she says. It’s an understatement. “I think I can go home now.”</p><p>Ianto frowns. “You’re not driving home. You’re in no condition to do that.”</p><p>“I drove here fine.”</p><p>“And I’m concerned about that too.” He frowns. “I’m surprised you didn’t get into an accident.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” she reasons. She’s already ruined Ianto’s sleep, and he doesn’t get enough of it anyway.</p><p>“I’m not letting you be alone, and I’m not letting you drive home. Just stay here,” he orders. “Come on, bed.”</p><p>Ianto takes her hand, and she allows him to lead her into his bedroom. She lies against the cool sheets, remembering the feeling of waking up in horror. She starts shaking and reaches out to hold Ianto’s reassuring presence again. He holds her tightly as she trembles, thinking of Rhys.</p><p>“Shh, I’m here,” Ianto whispers. “Go to sleep, Gwen. I’ll be here.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Kudos/Comments are always appreciated!</p><p>Find me on tumblr <a href="https://violetmessages.tumblr.com/">here</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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